My pet monster

My pet monster doesn't have a giant nose that looks like a pickle and it doesn't have plastic chains, so basically, it isn't that stuffed animal from the early 90's. It is Wookie, the for-mentioned devil-spawn dog in the previous blog. As we know, Wookie loves to seek vengance by shitting, but lately, it has become and exhibition as well. I'm pretty sure he waits for any kind of audience, and as an up-and-coming amateur scat-artist (as I may be so rash to say), he will settle for anything. The first instance that I realized we not only have a dog, but a performance artist, was at my wife's Pampered Chef party that she threw. The reason I am saying "she" instead of "we", is that all I managed to accomplish was cleaning our house, then leading all the husbands into the garage for a drinking fest. I'm sure we managed to piss off all the wives (I know I did). Anyway, all the guest got settled and the Pampered Chef Rep started the show..... well Wookie had an idea for a different show. He picked a lull in the presentation to wriggle his way into the middle of the circle of chairs, draw everyone's attention by acting cute, and then took a giant shit on the floor. It was huge. Jenna was mortified, and I didn't make it any better by laughing my ass off, and I got re-banned to the garage.... along with the Wookie monster.

He's definitely been good lately, no performance masterpieces of note, until today's Christmas party for the children at my wife's work...... Wookie has a little Santa outfit that we make him wear over the holidays. It looks really funny and he actually gets a kick out of it, or so we seem to think. Today, on my way into work, I was supposed to drop him off at my wife's work in preparation for a party they were throwing for all the children of the employees. It was set up very nicely, my wife was going to wear an elf costume, and Santa himself was supposed to show up. Wookie was supposed to be Santa's helper, he kind of looked like the dog from "the Grinch" with his little outfit. We walked into her work, he ran up to her, said "hi" to a few people (by barking or running away from them) and then we sat down in her office. I walked him outside before we went inside, and he made NO attempt to shit. Once we were all nice and settled and about to start the party, Wookie waltzed into the middle of the room, the largest open space possible, and took a giant shit. This one was for the books. Santa costume and all, that dog shat like it was going out of style. Instead of a windmill, if there was a shitmill, it could have powered a small community for a day. He must have been a shit smuggler in a past life, because he brought a truckload across the border. If Wookie wanted to work in the fudge business, he'd own Hersheys..... I think I heard the damned dog making grunting noises, and he may have pulled out a magazine, I'm not sure, I had a bad angle.